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It was refreshing when I got hit on today, but then it made me think about how I’ve been living all this time. The fact that I needed someone else to think I was cute to believe it myself was saddening beyond comparison. And so I am making a goal (call it a pre-New Year’s resolution) to think better of myself, and not rely on others for support or assurance. Obviously, can’t treat it like a light switch and just turn my self-esteem on, but I hope that with some intense self-training (possibly talking to myself in the mirror like in movies:P) I can raise myself up above all of the miserable girls that haunt America these days with their longing for attention and compliments. I will list my plan below:

Step 1: stop judging others (for i can’t stop judging myself unless I do this first)

Step 2: stop caring what other people think (with obvious exceptions; if everyone is calling me a slut I probably shouldnt disregard it)

Step 3: start living life the way I want to without being discouraged by people or events of any kind (easy said than done, but not impossible ;D)

A year ago I met a boy at a football game. He was too forward, and awkward, and goofy, and corny, but I let him keep me company anyway. The next day we started talking, and it became obvious he liked me. I teased him, and led him on, and gave him false hope, then ignored him when the fun had run its course. Days later I realized, to my surprise, that I hadn’t been playing anyone except myself. Still, I denied the truth and my honest emotions. Once The time came and i was finally ready to admit them, not only to myself but to him as well, he had lost interest and found another object of affection to devote his attention to. A friendship then developed (due to my inability tp let go) that would last longer than expected, only to be cut down a year later by a strange twist of fate. A fight between the boy and his love, a car ride with his best friend, a starry night and confession of an old crush paved the way for the kiss that resulted. Unfortunately for me, it made him realize his mistake and return to his year long girlfriend, leaving me behind in the dust. And so goes the sad story of Jessica Kennedy…


As of now, I am sitting in my family room on the computer at 12:51 AM. If one should ventur to ask as to why am i sitting on the computer, in my family room, at 12:51 AM, then my answer would be this: I am scared of the dark. So scared, in fact, that getting up off my chair to walk across the dark room and turn the light on would  surely mean certain death. Every creak of the wooden floors, gush of wind outside, or flicker of moonlight slipping through the curtains is cataloged in my brain and further personified into ghosts, and ax wielding mass murderers. I have a feeling tonight is going to be a very long night…

Aiming too high?

I thought i might try to write something meaningful, but a blank computer screen was the result of that. I thought i might try to write something funny, but if it couldn’t even make me laugh then i doubted it could make anyone else laugh. I thought i might to write like I was using twitter, and as I’m sure you can see, that only got me three sentences. So now I have decided to lower the bar a little more and write, well, ANYTHING… Luckily for me, I have succeeded in just that.

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